There is a saying that those who seek advice from others already know the answer, but just do not want to accept it.
Do you find yourself continuously turning to others for advice; For some form of validation or reassurance; Only to be told what you already know, deep down inside.
You see, you already know everything you need, you just do not trust yourself enough to truly accept it.
Some therapist describe this as a separation from our own internal locus of evaluation; our ability to know what we want, think, feel and need. We lose trust of our own processes of evaluating this and instead seek external means of reasurrance (family, friends, partners, professionals etc).
It is believed that this separation occurs in childhood. As a child we know when we are hungry, hurt, tired, angry and in need. Just sit and observe a small child; they ask for what they want, when they want. They cry when they are hungry, tired and/or in need, and pay no attention to social norms or ‘common decency’ and timing. It’s great!… well, not always for the parents or those of us who are sat next to them on the train.
But, as they/we begin to interact with others (usually our main care givers) we learn to adapt to the needs of others. We learn the value of ‘conditional’ love; I love you if/when you do ‘X’ ‘Y’ ‘Z’ and I do not like/love you (or I will ignore, scold or mock you) if you do not/do ‘X’ ‘Y’ ‘Z’ and/or upset, inconvenience or disobey me.
This teaches us to begin adjusting ourselves to continue to receive the conditional love and liking of others. We take on different masks and roles of who we think the world needs us to be in order to get respect, love and/or accept us; directly alienating ourselves from the core of who we truly are and what we truly need, want, feel and desire). We learn to accept conditional love, instead of understanding, seeking and appreciating the unconditional love of others; a love that comes without you having to bury who you are and what you need).
Many continue this way for years, some have the occasional disturbance (a situation where the mask/self concept you have created to appease others is threatened and/or in conflict with your true self, causing you to have a breakdown, become enraged, become depressed and/or retreat within), but the unfamiliarity of who you truly are may have become so alien that many escape from it once again, vowing to never return. Readjusting themselves further, smothering their true self once more.
Finding, acknowledging, accepting and loving who we truly are, is the greatest gift, pleasure and comfort anyone can give to themselves and the world. The feeling of security, assurance and confidence this brings, allows you/us to enter and engage in relationships with self awareness, self discipline, unconditional love and genuineness. Now doesn’t that sound like a relationship you want to be in?
Today allow yourself to stop and think about what you actually want; what feels uncomfortable, what feels natural to you, what causes anger or disturbance… what is your gut feeling?
Let us begin reconnecting with our own locuses of evaluation.
Have a blessed and productive day and weekend ahead; one that exceeds your expectations.
Copyright © 2013. Novena-Chanel Davies. All Rights Reserved.