Happiness starts within

When picking a mate, go for the person who is already happy with what they have now… if you can not find happiness within, within your own life and circumstances, you will never find true happiness outside, not even in another person.

Today, allow yourself to see the blessings in your lessons, the joys in your life, and the gifts in your skills.
May the day ahead exceed your expectations.
Copyright © 2013. Novena-Chanel Davies. All Rights Reserved.

Learning to reconnect with ourselves; trusting ourselves.

There is a saying that those who seek advice from others already know the answer, but just do not want to accept it.

Do you find yourself continuously turning to others for advice; For some form of validation or reassurance; Only to be told what you already know, deep down inside.

You see, you already know everything you need, you just do not trust yourself enough to truly accept it.

Some therapist describe this as a separation from our own internal locus of evaluation; our ability to know what we want, think, feel and need. We lose trust of our own processes of evaluating this and instead seek external means of reasurrance (family, friends, partners, professionals etc).

It is believed that this separation occurs in childhood. As a child we know when we are hungry, hurt, tired, angry and in need. Just sit and observe a small child; they ask for what they want, when they want. They cry when they are hungry, tired and/or in need, and pay no attention to social norms or ‘common decency’ and timing. It’s great!… well, not always for the parents or those of us who are sat next to them on the train.

But, as they/we begin to interact with others (usually our main care givers) we learn to adapt to the needs of others. We learn the value of ‘conditional’ love; I love you if/when you do ‘X’ ‘Y’ ‘Z’ and I do not like/love you (or I will ignore, scold or mock you) if you do not/do ‘X’ ‘Y’ ‘Z’ and/or upset, inconvenience or disobey me.

This teaches us to begin adjusting ourselves to continue to receive the conditional love and liking of others. We take on different masks and roles of who we think the world needs us to be in order to get respect, love and/or accept us; directly alienating ourselves from the core of who we truly are and what we truly need, want, feel and desire). We learn to accept conditional love, instead of understanding, seeking and appreciating the unconditional love of others; a love that comes without you having to bury who you are and what you need).

Many continue this way for years, some have the occasional disturbance (a situation where the mask/self concept you have created to appease others is threatened and/or in conflict with your true self, causing you to have a breakdown, become enraged, become depressed and/or retreat within), but the unfamiliarity of who you truly are may have become so alien that many escape from it once again, vowing to never return. Readjusting themselves further, smothering their true self once more.

Finding, acknowledging, accepting and loving who we truly are, is the greatest gift, pleasure and comfort anyone can give to themselves and the world. The feeling of security, assurance and confidence this brings, allows you/us to enter and engage in relationships with self awareness, self discipline, unconditional love and genuineness. Now doesn’t that sound like a relationship you want to be in?

Today allow yourself to stop and think about what you actually want; what feels uncomfortable, what feels natural to you, what causes anger or disturbance… what is your gut feeling?

Let us begin reconnecting with our own locuses of evaluation.

Have a blessed and productive day and weekend ahead; one that exceeds your expectations.


Copyright © 2013. Novena-Chanel Davies. All Rights Reserved.

Are you living or merely existing?

Are you living or existing?

Are you truly living, or merely existing?

Those who merely exist may look like someone who lives from the outside… maybe even to themselves. They get up for work in the mornings; tend to self and/or the kids, go into the job they rarely enjoy… bills have to get paid, right? They talk to the friends they barely know; never feeling that anyone truly knows them, listening to others problems, while quietly treading the waters of their own.

They sometimes buy a new dress/shirt and feel a moment of pleasure… but that never lasts, then they are back to autopilot; going through their usual routines, hardly taking a moment to enjoy, reflect upon or think about what they are doing, or what they truly want.

To an untrained eye, their life may seem so simple; working, married, ‘happy’… whilst for them, their life has become a routine.

However, for those that live! They wake up with a bounce (ok, not everyday, but most days). They have a career that they enjoy (or a job that brings them joy). They understand that pleasure is temporary, and fill their lives with the people and things that bring them joy. They feel connected to others, the world and self; doing the things that are needed to grow as an individual, feeling, thinking about and living every moment (or at least day).

They go out to socialise. They take care of their health. They stimulate their mind. They continously work to develop their spirituality and general wellbeing. They bring joy to others through their words and/or actions.

Those who live have a vision, plan and goal, with passion(s) and joy. Those who exist have a bill to pay, shopping to get and yet another chore to meet; rarely stepping outside of the routine, rarely having something to look forward to day-to-day.

So tell me, do you truly live… or merely exist?

Make today the day that you begin truly living!



Copyright © 2013. Novena-Chanel Davies. All Rights Reserved.